


a stranger and the person who yearns to dissect him

by thepineapplegod



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Bittersweet, Complicated Relationships, Established Relationship, M/M, Pining, Post-Canon, Relationship Study, kinda?? take it with a grain of salt, they are fucked up but like. at least they know that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 21:00:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30145512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepineapplegod/pseuds/thepineapplegod
Summary: the nagito komaeda who hinata had desperately tried to hate, but couldn’t find it in himself. the nagito komaeda who had made him feel intense and confusing emotions which he had never felt for anyone else.this was the nagito komaeda who was sleeping in the passenger seat of his car, sleeping like any ordinary, simple, overworked businessman you would see anywhere on the subway.--------in which komaeda falls asleep on the way home from a long day at work, and hinata starts thinking.
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	a stranger and the person who yearns to dissect him

**Author's Note:**

> another thing that i wrote at 2am.... not sure if i'm proud of this yet.
> 
> minor warnings: very small, suggestive themes, and also a very minor vague reference to potential self harm. it doesn't go into any details, but please stay safe!!

“komaeda?” he coos softly, but he knows it isn’t enough to even shake the figure beside him. perhaps, subconsciously, he doesn’t _want_ to shake him.

afterall, it’s hard to want to disturb the other’s rest, not when he looks so… _peaceful._

it had undoubtedly been a long day- the foundation already had been no stranger to overwork, but this time, it had seemed even more like a drag. it had already been dark by the time hinata had been let off, and accompanying him close by, had been no other than komaeda himself.

when he had asked hinata for a ride, of course he didn’t hesitate to let him. afterall, they usually ended up driving to the apartments together. practical, considering their “roommate” status.

with the long drive and dark sky, hinata couldn’t blame komaeda for passing out. he had already looked exhausted when they met up, even if he had the same “bright” attitude he always had.

he hadn’t even been paying attention until they had finally parked in the driveway, finally turning his head to look at his partner.

hinata has become used to komaeda’s sleeping tendencies. normally, it always looks like he’s merely in a doze- one without movement or sounds, but still. he wouldn’t call it peaceful, usually, and that was especially apparent when komaeda was having a nightmare.

(that’s always the most obvious to tell. hinata had witnessed it quite a few times- his knuckles tight and face white, yet the only movement from him even then was just his faint shivering.)

but the way komaeda was now… hinata couldn’t help but stop and just stare, as though worried he would never be able to see the sight again.

he looked so _gentle_ there, eyes softly shut and head tilted down ever so slightly, as much as his seatbelt would allow. breathing quiet and soft, fitting in with the nightly driveway atmosphere noises. 

“pretty” is another word that comes to his mind. it’s an offhand thought, really, but he can’t help but find himself stupid for thinking about it in the first place.

(even if it’s a word he could easily describe komaeda with. everything about him is fundamentally “pretty”- even stuff that really shouldn’t be, like his worryingly pale, thin body, or his cold, almost shaky hands.)

hinata can’t help but lay his chin on the steering wheel of the car, gazing at the man with the corners of his eyes. besides the noises in the background mixed with komaeda’s faint breathing, it’s almost completely silent, and that in itself is comforting.

hinata can already feel his fatigue catching up to him as well- normally he was use to staying up for long nights, and thus wasn’t usually affected by it until he got to his bed, but with just how _slow_ the world feels right now, it’s beginning to catch up to him.

the sight of his sleeping companion isn’t helping either, and hinata wonders if it really would just be nice to pass out alongside him.

...but no, komaeda would definitely wake up before him, and that would lead to just a whole bunch of teasing he’s not sure if he wants to go through.

and so, to keep himself awake, he reverts his full attention to the man in question, who has yet to even move an inch at all. hinata vaguely wonders how long he’ll sleep if he doesn’t wake him up.

this isn’t any kind of slumber he’s seen from komaeda before. not the content kind, or his usual tired, silent kind. 

this was different: a gentle kind you would see from a dozing classmate only a seat away from you, looking completely ordinary, like nothing in the world could disturb them.

“ordinary”. “normal”. “domestic”.

perhaps the reason why hinata was looking into it so much was _because_ he found it hard to associate those words with the komaeda he knew. the komaeda who he still barely understood.

he’s because so used to the abnormality of their relationship it had just _become_ his normal. the idea that he’ll have to go his whole life always wondering about the truth of nagito komaeda being something he’s accepted, despite struggling not to.

because, truthfully, he _wants_ to know the truth of nagito komaeda, but something in him also tells him he doesn’t. like a scientist digging into insane theories and timelines that he knows he’ll regret finding the truth of, but still finds it necessary because he _wants_ to know.

the nagito komaeda who had shown him kindness in that simulation. the nagito komaeda who had broken down in front of him and everyone else, becoming this pile of nonsense about “hope” and “ultimates”, such figurative ideas that he had become obsessed with.

(and that once, hinata was obsessed with, to.)

the nagito komaeda who had scorned him the minute he learned the “truth” about hinata. 

the nagito komaeda who had left the simulation, who was the manifestation of everything he had been in there.  
(and in that way, perhaps he felt a familiar connection with him.)

the nagito komaeda who hinata had desperately tried to hate, but couldn’t find it in himself. the nagito komaeda who had made him feel intense and confusing emotions which he had never felt for anyone else, except for one girl, and even then, it had been so much more simple with her.

this was the nagito komaeda who was sleeping in the passenger seat of his car, sleeping like any ordinary, simple, overworked businessman you would see anywhere on the subway.

it almost makes hinata want to laugh, or even cry.

and yet, despite all of these complicated feelings stirring in his head, all of _this_ that was between them, hinata didn’t want to become the scientist that wasted his whole life on the truth of the forbidden subject, just for it to break him to the point of becoming an alcoholic mess.

his desires to fully understand the komaeda he knew were futile, he knew that. he’d like to think that he’d be able to, someday, with his newfounds “talents”, but only to boost his fragile, non-existent ego.

it’s only fair, isn’t it? afterall, it was already impossible for komaeda himself to understand hinata now. the reserve course, the man who had wasted his life by obsessing over talent ever since he was a child, who signed his life away for a bunch of scientists to get their holds on a teenager, even the man who had been in the simulation, who had first met “komaeda”, was long gone.

replaced by the entity of izuru kamukura, parading the personality and memories of the boy who would never be able to recover himself, no matter how much he clawed at the surgery scars alongside his forehead.

to live a domestic life together, teetering on the edge of something bigger, more sinister, more _tragic_ , something they couldn’t say to each other without risk of losing their holds. that’s what their relationship was destined for, truly.

and yet, would that be bad? a domestic life, even with repressed, dark thoughts, would still be domestic. 

the idea of waking up to komaeda every morning, reading together, doing mindless, soft, sappy stuff together, until they were brutally torn apart in each other’s arms by the forces of a supernatural, screwed up thing like “luck”... 

even if they would always be in confusion of the other, they would still always understand each other more than anyone else could or would. and surely, that was enough.

there was no such thing as a “perfect relationship” or a “happy ending”. there was only a future, the thing that had always remained as the one truth in this fucked up world, something that was relevant even when they were freaks who were causing it’s destruction.

when all you have is one another, you grow attached to each other. 

and that was enough for hinata, despite everything inside him shouting at him that it wasn’t.

 _i wish that i could sleep like that,_ he smirks to himself, rising his head from the steering wheel. even through his whole introspection, komaeda had remained as quiet and peaceful as ever.

the only thing that had changed was some soft strands of hair falling into his face, and hinata, finding that they _were_ kind of obscuring his view, hesitantly reached out a hand, gently stroking them behind komaeda’s ear, trying to be careful enough to not wake him.

still holding out his hand, hinata takes a second to just watch komaeda’s face. as calm as ever, and in this state, with the only light illuminating them being the car’s inside one, he was _definitely_ even more pretty than usual.

that idea of waking up every morning to him begins re-entering his mind…

“isn’t it rude to stare, hinata-kun?”

it’s a miracle hinata doesn’t accidentally slap komaeda with how fast he pulls his hand back, straightening up with his eyes widened.

the man who he previously thought was deep in slumber chuckled, though it sounds more breathy than usual, opening his faintly-colored eyes to give hinata an amused look. the man feels his face going red, but furrows his brows.

“you- _have you been awake this whole time!?_ ”

as though to answer his question, komaeda yawns, stretching his arms out. he blinks a few times at hinata, as though still trying to wake up.

“oh, no, of course not. just for the past few minutes. when i did wake up, however, you were looking at me so intensely to the point where i could feel it, so i was scared to move, haha!”

“you- that’s-” it’s embarrassing how hinata finds himself stuttering like an awkward high schooler, so he bites his tongue and closes his eyes to regain his posture. it’s hard to do when he hears komaeda laugh at him, that same wheezy sound, but at the very least, he changes the subject.

“ah, i won’t blame you for it, though. rather, it was rude of me to fall asleep in someone else’s car, so i’ll apologise for that.”

“you don’t have to,” hinata immediately jumps on the subject. “today was pretty… tiring, so i don’t blame you either.” he ponders briefly if he should admit to wanting to fall asleep as well, but komaeda continues before he can add anything else.

“tiring, huh?” he murmurs almost to himself, before giggling to himself in the way he does when finding something funny for no reason. “ah, i suppose i can’t deny that.

“though, i am curious…” he looks at hinata with a newfound mix of curiosity and amusement, the suggestive kind that already has him blushing a little. “what hinata-kun could want, staring but not waking me up?”

hinata not so subtly looks away, covering his mouth with his hand to hide some remnants of his expression, though causing his response to be somewhat muffled. “i wasn’t _staring_. just zoning out. thinking.”

“oho? thinking about what?”

komaeda’s tone is playful enough to make hinata a little peeved, if not a little red. “nothing that you're thinking of, that’s for sure.”

this earns him another, genuine laugh from komaeda, which causes him to glance over to him again. a faint pink is dusting his face, though far from hinata’s more colorful blush. however, this only seems to make his expression, which has some underlying tiredness(most likely the cause of his boldness right now)to it.

“i would hope not, actually,” he muses, tilting his head a little. “i’d much rather sleep the rest of the night away. though, it’d be hard to go against hinata-kun’s desires.”

“oi, i want to sleep as much as you do,” hinata fires back, which gets him another grin from komaeda. it’s contagious, and he finds himself returning it.

“hm, even then,” komaeda leans towards hinata, raising a brow, “i’m sure you want _something_ , right?”

the faux innocence of the question, mixed with that suggestive voice, agitates hinata for no real reason other than how _effective_ it is for him. 

komaeda would probably never be able to understand him fully, but he understood enough to get under hinata’s skin. and that itself almost infuriates him. it’s one of the many little things he both hates and adores about him- another conflict over something so simple.

“asshole,” he mutters affectionately, before leaning towards him as well. the only thing he gets is a small absentminded hum from komaeda, which hinata suddenly decides he wants to turn into something much more… _gratifying_.

it’s a small, soft kiss, but when hinata aims to deepen it, he finds himself confused when komaeda almost immediately pulls away.

his expression is lustful, as it usually is when they do stuff like this, but there’s a sort of a restraint to his eyes and stiffness to his smile. “though, you know, hinata-kun, if there’s something else you want to say, you should say it.”

hinata pauses, perplexed, before finally registering what he had said.

of course- komaeda knew there was more to that longing staring, to that hesitance to give him a solid answer when he had asked about what was on his mind. komaeda knew him best, afterall, and that makes hinata want to shut him up even more so.

yet, to the same degree, the other wasn’t a mind reader. he knew hinata best, yet barely understood his thought process, as did hinata for his. 

there is many things hinata wants to say right now, but that’s always the case. always so many questions he wants to ask and so many thoughts to shout out, so much prodding of “what’s happening between us?” and “do you just like toying with me?”.

and yet, he’s come to learn that the only way to keep this peaceful, temporary, gentle lingering going was to not question any of it. to only open it when times for it appear, before it eventually _does_ burst.

he wants _this_ \- the peace of being able to sit alone in a quiet car with komaeda, to give casual acts of affection that come as second nature. he doesn’t want to have to say anything, or question anything, between them. 

to be in love with nagito komaeda was to be in love with a stranger who you knew every inch of, if only they could have that ‘in love’ part. if only they could have their silly little future together.

“i have nothing to say at all,” he lies, and remedies it with his lips, holding komaeda’s face and allowing him to live in this kind, terrifying ignorance.

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted this to be a companion piece to 'the moon is luminous'. in that fic, i made it short and soft, which i think fit komaeda. the hesitance but not bothering to really go into any details about their relationship...
> 
> as a contrast, i wanted to make this one very much less soft, since i always think of hinata as a very blunt person after the simulation. knowing that their relationship is one of complete uncertainties and potential toxicity, but still wanting to continue it for hope of a better future... even if it all comes crashing on them. he's signed a personal contract, and he intends to see it through.
> 
> in the end, everyone has different perspectives on their relationship. it is extremely complicated, afterall, and could turn into so many different things. even now, my perspective on them is always changing, so, i ask that you not hold this above me in the future if i keep on changing their dynamic...


End file.
